Um. Sooo I really don't like my job. I hate crunching numbers. I hate accounting. I like the people I work with but I just do not want to stay here any longer than I have to. I feel like it's sucking the life out of me. My dream job is still a Master's degree away. Please, please God help me stick it out. I may just start looking for something else. I've been here for 3 years. I've put in time, have learned a lot and have been stretched outside of my comfort zone. I'm grateful to even have a job, I fully and wholeheartedly acknowledge that I'm very fortunate and that many would give anything to have a good-paying job with the way things have been in our econonmy.
Not sure if this funk I'm in has anything to do with the way I've been feeling since the wreck. I'm more irritable, having a harder time sleeping and staying asleep at night, and the first two weeks following the accident, I did nothing but cry and want to sleep. Can anyone relate? Is it all just in my mind or is this just a phase...or what?? Is God trying to get my attention to tell me it's time for a new chapter to begin? Feeling restless isn't always a fun feeling. I'd rather be anything but restless! On Sunday evening as I was driving to Kinko's, I just had to scream in my car. I'm sure I probably sounded like a lunatic.
The accident has caused me to take a good, long look at everything in my life. What things can I change? What can I not change and only need to trust God to change it? So many questions. I'm aware of my need to pray for wisdom, of which I've been doing for as long as I can remember. I'm aware of my need to be joyful, because I'm saved by grace through faith. I desire to live out II Corinthians 12:9 which reads, "My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness." Regardless of my questions, my restlessness, my hurt, my mistakes, I (we) serve a good and gracious God. He won't fail me (us).
So. My first step: Call on Him. Second: Trust His leading. And, most importantly, move forward with a thankful heart, for He does not make mistakes.
2 comments:
My mom had a scary accident last year that left her feeling much the same way for a long while. It did finally dissipate, but she was thinking the same thing: Am I crazy?
She's not. And you're not.
Hang in there...our God was with you on the day of your accident, and He's with you now. Just be still...and know that He is God.
First of all, you have been through an emotional and physical trauma. The emotional side is what has changed your perspective a bit with the realization of how much more serious your injuries could have been and even your own mortality. Even though you were quite lucky with your injuries, your body is putting lots of its energy into the healing which is leaving you with less physical well-being that helps you function through your normal day and night routine.
Second, do not make major life changing decisions until you are feeling and functioning normally again--and obviously do not leave one job until another is secure. God may or may not have a preference right now for where you work. Sometimes he guides us to a specific place he wants us to be, but often we need to be reminded that he can use us wherever we are. There are people in any situation who we can learm things from--how to get things done effectively and how not to. In any situation, there are also people who need to be ministered to and people who we may need to minister to us.
Also, the Holy Spirit has blessed me over the years with prayers I need to say. When I have been discontent with my own situation and dwelling on it too much (worry, etc), I have been reminded to pray that I focus so much of my time and thought on the needs of others that I don't have time to dwell on my own problems. It is an amazingly effective strategy.
Third of all, always remember you have lots of people who love you and pray for your well-being. I'm one of them.
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