A new level of trust.

You know, I realize that God doesn't guarantee a Christian will never go through trials...in fact, God's Word says that we will be tested and tried so that our faith, of greater worth than gold, will be refined and strengthened, and will result in praise to Him. I also know that He knows just how much we can handle, and that nothing is a surprise to Him. He asks us to keep our eyes on Him and not only pray when facing big problems, but pray without ceasing. At all times.

Still, I find myself at a crossroads where I can either trust God and believe He is who He says He is, or I can rely on my own strengths and allow outward circumstances to move me and uproot my faith. My heart sank when Jenn told me what she felt she needed to do. I was pretty bummed on Sunday and had a hard time keeping my usual positive demeanor...it felt like I was losing a very close friend.

Come early summer, I'll be relying solely on my income for my mortgage and bills. I know that my very dear friend is doing what she believes God would have her do, so I cannot allow rejection to come and take root in my heart. Getting her Master's degree is very important to her. I can't guarantee we (my dog & I) will always be able to give her the peace & quiet 24-7 that she'll need in order to be successful. And, let's not forget that I'm a clean freak...I like living in an organized house where everything has it's rightful place. That's where we differ hugely..and her studies won't allow her to keep things 'orderly' at all times, which could cause some tension and anxiety between us that neither one of us want. So, for both our own sanity and for our friendship, in a few months, we'll no longer be 'roomies'. I'll try to look for another roommate but I feel pretty strongly about living on my own. Goodness, for me that's a huge step of faith! With just me there, the utility bills should be pretty manageable. Questions still come up in my mind: what if something happens and I fall behind on a mortgage payment, what if I get sick and cannot work, what if...what if...??

Well, I cannot predict the future and I cannot live in fear of it, nor do I want to. I want to be able to trust God not only with the big things (I've never been late with any of my bills...He's kept me healthy..I've always had food to eat), but also with the seemingly miniscule things that may come up on a daily basis.

I can't take her decision personal. This is yet another opportunity for me to learn how to glorify God with all of my time, energy, and finances. I'd only been partially 'trusting' Him. Now, this is a whole new level of trust!

Romans 8:28

A still, small voice.

God knows just how to get my attention. Sometimes, it's in the most simple yet amazing ways..

This morning, before my devotional time, I made a fire in the fireplace. I sat down on the couch with my Bible and notebook and just began to read. After a few minutes had passed, I glanced at the fire; one small log was completely surrounded by a flame, while the other had only one single high flame coming off of its side. Not in a booming voice or in an earth-shattering way, but in a quiet voice, God began speaking to my heart..

- I have come that you might have life, and have life in abundance. Sin, impure thoughts, and pride will cause you to stray from Me. The log you see in the fireplace that has one long flame rising up from its left-side represents you in your Christian walk. The side that is aflame is the 'face' you put on for the world to see, while the other side, untouched by the fire, is the part I can see. This will be your lot in life if you do not repent and turn away from (forsake) your sin. The log that is so engulfed in flame that, if you were to put your hand near it it would burn you, represents what I want to be and do in you. The Holy Spirit, encompassing every fiber of your being, will cause those around you to be completely drawn to my Spirit working in you. It is a life of total freedom, joy, peace, and fruitfulness. You will not be moved by the terrors and trials by day or by night, which I can assure you will come..

Your children and your children's children will be anointed and chosen to do great things for My namesake. Your spirit, when joined with mine, will cause demons to flee, the lame to walk, and the sick to be healed. Do not look to the left or to the right in fear. Keep your eyes on Me and My purpose for you. Let me make your joy complete in Me. Will you go forward with me? Will you trust in the unseen?

Verses of importance:
Deut. 30:19; Jn. 15:5; Matt. 7:7-11; II Cor. 4:18

I do not, in my own 'merit', deserve any gift that God chooses to give...especially salvation. But because of who He is, and what Jesus has done for me out of His complete love for me, the promises that are in His Word are assured to me...

- The fruits of the Spirit (self-control, patience, endurance..)
- The gifts of the Spirit (prophecy, teaching, healing..)

Only by the grace of God I am becoming who He wants me to be. I fail daily. I only want to surrender to His will for me a little more today than I did yesterday. It's not easy, nor does He promise I'll be complete in everything and possess all of His gifts. But the gifts He has given me are to be used to glorify Him, not myself. I'm thankful He chooses to teach me and and call me to Himself, even when I fail Him.

Worship by Dancing.

I've always had a heart to sing. I've toyed with the idea of going to Thursday night practices at my church to sing with the Praise & Worship team during Sunday services. For some reason, something continuously kept me from going. I would either be too tired, busy, not feeling well..so it's been over three months now and I have yet to attend one practice. For awhile I thought that maybe I wasn't going to be used by God in the Creative Arts ministry, an area that I desired so badly to be a part of. But, when I was offered an opportunity to be a part of an interpretational dance piece for our Easter services, I eagerly said yes. I've never danced in this venue before. Before I became a Christian, my 'dancing' usually included a midriff top, a bar, and a few shots of Malibu in my system. My mom is coming to visit that weekend also, so to say I'm a little nervous is the greatest understatement of the year. While dancing, I'm worshipping God with my whole being: body, soul, and spirit. Very different for me! I'm praying that my nerves will not get the best of me! I've performed in front of people before (singing, acting, dancing) but not in a manner that gives glory to God while bringing others close to Him in that moment as well. I'm pretty excited about this new area of worship (for me), nervous about picking up the choreography, and humbled...understanding God had not forgotten about my heart's desires. I'm realizing that maybe He's just wanting to take me out of my 'comfort' zone by showing me that it's about Him, not about what I feel I am 'good enough' to be a part of; it's about trusting Him, even with the little things, including my worship. Worshipping in a more 'comfortable' way could cause me to rely on my own talents, instead of God's Spirit at work in me.

It's almost like I've never danced before at all. To me, God will be the most important One there watching.

Quotes & Such.

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. - Elizabeth Kubler Ross

Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive it isn't. - Richard Bach

If you have it [Love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have. - Sir James M. Barrie

At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet. - Plato

There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles. - Anonymous

The life which is unexamined is not worth living. - Socrates

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that ... - George Carlin

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. – Herm Albright

The body of a young woman is God's greatest achievement. Of course He could have made it to last longer, but you can't have everything. - Neil Simon

They say God has existed from the beginning of time and will exist beyond the end of time. Can you imagine trying to sit through his home movies? - Scott Roeben

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I can resist everything except temptation. - Oscar Wilde