Community.

What a great month this has been! October is usually a month I dread because I know that the winter season is just around the corner. I get the wonderful opportunity (hint of sarcasm added) to get up at 5:30 a.m. to take my dog outside and lately I've had to throw on an extra layer of clothing to keep warm. I believe it was Monday morning that I saw my breath for the first time in months. At any rate, I was thinking about where I was this time last year...I was still in Harrisburg, preparing to get out of the Navy after what seemed like a lifetime of service. I was keeping busy seeing friends that I probably wouldn't see again for a long time.

My first year in Indy...how I've been blessed! Within one week of being in a new city, I was plugged into a church and small group that has grown into two small groups now. I've made friendships here that will last a lifetime..I couldn't imagine my life without many of the people I've grown to love in just a few month's time. Community is so important in growing as a believer in Christ. There are some days I know I wouldn't be able to make it if I didn't have others around me. Yes, God is such an integral part of my life, but He also blesses us with people who are willing to come alongside us and lift us up when we need them. It hasn't always been that way...

I didn't realize how I'd secluded myself from people when I was living in Harrisburg. I was separated from my ex-husband and was a new Christian. I was so hungry to get into the Word of God that I spent most of my time at home, work, or church, and didn't leave any time for much else. Within a month of giving my heart to Christ, I stopped going to bars and drinking. I had absolutely no desire to. It was like I'd been on a pendulum that had swung extremely to one side. I know now that God was preparing me for the time in July of 2006 when my divorce would become final. I have faith that one day I'll know why God allowed me to go through such heartache. I knew he was at bars, had different girlfriends, and even lived with several different women over the course of 2 1/2 years. I think God wanted me to be alone then. I was dependent upon no one but Him. I had friends from church and through the ministry I was involved in, Club Impact II (for At-risk youth), and we did do things together, but for nearly ten months I felt a deep sense of loneliness. I was able to be involved in many outreach programs and was able to go on missions trips. Gradually, through reaching out to others, I found that I was fulfilled on an even deeper level. My ex would try to tear me down emotionally and psychologically in the way he spoke to me, but nothing he said or did was able to keep me from loving him and seeing him through Jesus' eyes. It took awhile, but it did happen.

I'm reminded of a piece of Scripture from Isaiah 40:31 that reads, "Those that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint." I think about how God took me through a valley of loneliness and helped me face my deepest fears (never being loved by anyone) and has turned that sorrow into joy by giving me great relationships with wonderful people through small group, church, and work. Jesus works in such amazing ways in and through close-knit communities that have a heart for Him, and here I've most definitely found one. I am challenged each day to become a better woman and follower of Christ because of them.

I'll write more tomorrow when I have some free time...there's still more to say but it's almost time to leave..:) thanks for reading.

I am His.

I want to know God for who He says He is.

I want to be everything He has called me to be. To live and breathe His Word in my life. To rest in the assurance that He loves me for who I am, not by what I do (or don't do)...

I want to live with such joy in my heart that it overflows into every single area of my life. To have a smile not only on my face but in my spirit as well. That others may desire to know the Jesus I proclaim to live for...

I want to be a woman after God's own heart. To not be so consumed with buying and having material things that continuously threaten to take my eyes off of my Father...

I want to know with all of my heart and soul that the blessings of God are just as much in knowing Him as it is in the things He allows me to have...

I want to know the Jesus that healed the sick and made the lame to walk. He is just as much present with me right now in Spirit as He was when He walked the earth 2,000 years ago. I want to walk with Him everyday...and allow him to heal others physically and spiritually through me...

I want to live a life free of fear. Free of doubt. Free of anxiousness about the future and everything I know is to come because of what the Word of God says about the end times...

I want to worship Him not only with my words but with my entire being...my heart, soul, mind, body, and strength...

I want to be a courageous witness for Christ to those in my circle of influence. To see my family and dearest friends come to Jesus in faith, so that they may see Him for who He truly is. That they may see their worth and value in the eyes of the Living God.

I want to have the freedom to be myself. In front of others and in my own eyes. I want to accept myself and all of my quirks, failures, and mistakes...and not be concerned with how others view me...

I want to be free from the fear of rejection. Yes, others very dear to me have rejected me.
But not Jesus.
He's always been there.
Always.
I'm never alone, even when everything in me cries out to Him because I feel lonely.

I want to enjoy the journey I'm on. I'm being perfected every day. Jesus has paid the price. I don't have to keep trying to convince myself that I need to 'earn' His love and grace.

I want to get into agreement with God for the things He's placed in my heart. The purpose He has for me. Unsure of what my next step is, I need to trust that in His timing, He will open doors that I cannot open...

I want the Lord to break my heart for the things that break His heart: injustice, sin, pride...

I want to know that the things I yearn for, if they're a part of His will for me, shall come to pass. I don't need to pray a particular way or do everything right to receive from Him. I just need to be His child, and that will never change.

I am His.
1 John 3:1