Tuesday, June 15, 2010

My dog teaches me lessons.








Spikey has a harrowing way of following me around the house; from room to room, right behind me. I hear his little nails hit the hardwood floors. His i.d. tag jingles noisily. Nine times out of ten I get annoyed with him. He’s so little that if I change my step quickly, I trip right over him. When I’m cleaning or doing things around the house, I get in a mode and usually don’t like to get ‘off course’. I can be a bit scatter-brained and so when I’m thrown off-track, sometimes I forget where I was and what I was doing.



I’ll tell him to go lie down. I’ll give him a treat but shortly after get flustered because....sure enough, right when he’s finished eating it, where is he? Under my feet.



I’ve realized, though, that when I take the time to just bend down (he’s a tiny boy) and pet him, give him kisses, and talk to him, he’ll just happily prance away and go play with his toys or do what he does best: be our neighborhood watch dog by making sure no little creatures cross or persons pass by without him knowing about it and giving everyone in the house a little verbal warning.



Maybe he’s teaching me something. I need to not be so busy that I don’t appreciate the people (and animals) in my life. That it’s okay to be thrown off-track; it’s the little, even sometimes mundane, things in life that can bring us the most joy, if we take the time to appreciate them and see them as blessings. God designed it this way! He enjoys watching us do everything from work in our gardens to cooking to playing with our pets. Let’s enjoy the mundane while today is still called today!



Thanks, peanut (aka spikey), for reminding momma about the importance of being thankful. : )

Friday, June 11, 2010

Ash

         This girl just makes me smile. : )

Please God Have Mercy!

Our beautiful ocean and beaches are being destroyed by the continual flood of oil that has yet to be contained from the Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill, the largest offshore spill in U.S. history, which began on April 20, 2010. We need to pray!! 2,500 square miles have already been affected. How much more? My heart is deeply saddened. Seeing pictures of the wildlife, the people who live along the Gulf of Mexico...just breaks my heart.


Thursday, June 3, 2010

Change is a'comin'!

Tonight when I get home, I will be applying for the Post 9/11 GI Bill. This bill is different than the Montgomery GI Bill, which I'm currently using to go to school part-time. The new bill pays directly to the school and, along with that, I will receive a monthly installment of BAH (Basic Allowance for Housing). Also, I'll receive a book and supplies stipend at the beginning of each semester. The catch?? The only way I can receive 100% educational benefits would be to go to school full-time, including one course a semester here at a local school. Right now I'm only enrolled in a Distance Learning Program, which was the easier choice when I was active duty and unsure of my future duty locations. Another drawback to doing this is that, unfortunately, the application process could take anywhere up to five months. Leave it to the Veteran's Administration to do everything at a glacial pace.

With that being said, come August (hopefully?!), I will be quitting my full-time job at Customs and running full-speed towards the finish of my Bachelor's degree; and then (FINALLY) moving on to finish my MA in Counseling Psychology. This year has been a whirlwind for me. I've seen God's hand in every area of my life, whether I was willing to admit it at the time or not. I've been 'comfortable' with my job for over 3 years. Going to school part-time, Navy Reserves, church, social life...you know, a routine. But I haven't been that settled every since, well, sometime this past January. I knew there were some things I would be stepping into (and out of) that would take me out of my comfort zone. We're always changing, right? I'm never one to back away from change. This should be a great time in my life as I'm working towards my dream with everything I can muster. Scary thing is, remembering my propensity to start things and not finish them has been more than overwhelming at times, threatening me with thoughts of failure. When those thoughts come, I will need to consider the mercy of God. He's been preparing me for this long before I even became conscious of the fact that I would become a full-time college student at 31. I'm debt-free as of this year (HALLELUJAH!), another member has been added to our team here at work and she's quickly learning the procedures, so she'll be a great asset and a fitting replacement for me; I won't feel as if I'm leaving my credit card team of 5 hanging out to dry. My best-friend and roomie is moving out, on a good note, of course, this July and so I'll have a relentless amount of time for study and quiet. Without a doubt, I will need it.

More to come as this transition progresses. Prayer and encouragement is extremely coveted at this moment. :)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Tornado


I was with a large group of people that I knew, although in the dream they were no one that I could pinpoint exactly. I do remember one of them took on the role as my husband, and his personality was like that of my ex-husband, Jason. Outside, it was sunny and warm, most definitely too beautiful to be threatened with a tornado in the area. We were all in the kitchen cooking and then knew we had to take cover. We went into the basement. I looked around the room trying to find a safe place to hide. Several people just sat down to wait out the storm. Also, there were two small dogs that were pacing back and forth toward one side of the room. I was not familiar with either animal. I didn’t feel safe in the basement. I looked to one side of the room and discovered that two openings to the outside were open; sunshine was pouring in, but I knew the ‘Giant’ (tornado) was right outside and wanting to find me. These weren’t normal doors, though. They were like gates that had different levers and locks that I spent several minutes completely closing, and even then it was apparent that they were just gates, not solid doors; the tornado could easily get to us through them.

Hurriedly, I and about three others, my ‘husband’ included, went searching for a better place to run and hide. We opened what appeared to be a closet door that was full of chairs and lots of miscellaneous items. This wasn’t enough. So I pulled open another door inside the closet and walked in to what appeared to be an abandoned room that used to be very well-maintained and used. It went very far back and the single light that shone in the room revealed dusty, old furniture. One of the persons I was with said that it appeared to be a children’s room at one point. There were worn-down toys and such that had thick coatings of dust and dirt on them. It was obvious this room had become neglected.

When I was growing up, through most of my adolescent years, I’d have dreams every single night of tornadoes that would take the form of a giant that I was always running from. Last night was the first time in a long time that I had almost the same dream again. I woke up once at 4:24 a.m. and when I did go back to sleep, I had another dream of a tornado. Both, as they almost always were, were very vivid. I could remember every little detail; down to the colors around me. Upon waking, I felt a bit sad, and unnerved. They both stayed with me and I asked God to give me wisdom regarding these dreams, and this is what I began to understand about the first one:

The tornado represented the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit, when He comes, brings about change. Sometimes the change seems painful and unnecessary. A lot of times, even we as God’s own people wrestle with Him when He shows us the true nature of our hearts. We resort to old, comfortable habits and ways that seem safe, easy, and may be something we’re used to, never mind that they’re essentially bad and/or dangerous for us. We tend to look at our own problems through a microscope while, to God, the patterns of sin can be huge obstacles for healing and wholeness in our lives. He seeks to remove those things; to lend us His grace (represented by the sunshine outside), and show us the road to redemption and salvation. The Gate represented my own measly (ha!) attempt to keep God from entering into the depths of my heart and having His way. Whether I fight it or not, sooner or later, His Will will be done. The Closet, and better yet, the Deeper Room, represented my old ways of thinking; habits and sin patterns that still kept me bound; they were familiar and, therefore, comfortable to me. Though it was dark, gloomy, and hidden in there, I felt ‘safe’ from the tornado outside that threatened to find and, ultimately, free me. In my dream, I saw it as frightening. My death would be the end result and I felt helpless to stop it. The two dogs represented restlessness and agitation. Those both describe a couple of the emotions I’ve been experiencing in very recent times.

I think sometimes I know what is best for me. I have a timeline for my life. I want a family, I want to finish school, to counsel and lead a ‘charmed’ life (at least one where I feel fulfilled). There are things in my heart that God has wanted to deal with. I’ve, in my own strength, tried to change these things on my own. Still more are thought patterns that I’ve become complacent in. Maybe I’ve become too lazy or even prideful to care. I know this attitude is just my flesh rising up over God's Spirit in me; I know the best path is to entrust my entire being in His hands, whether it means being completely uncomfortable with what he reveals to me or actually enjoying the process of going through as I continue to grow in my faith.

For God speaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed; Then He openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction, That He may withdraw man from his purpose, and hide pride from man. He keepeth back his soul from the pit, and his life from perishing by the sword (Job 33:14-18, emphasis mine).


Dreams reveal but do not condemn. Their goal is to preserve life, not to destroy it (Job 33:13-18).


Thank you, Lord, for speaking to me. Please continue to have your way. May my pride and selfish ways not hinder the working of your hand in my life. My prayer is to fully surrender all that I am and all that You have called me to be. Please continue also to give me wisdom and revelation regarding the second dream so that my heart may know more about what you would have me to understand and learn from.