A gift for you!

I saw this post on a blogger friend's page: http://http://legacy-4-my-boys.blogspot.com/ And I'm playing!! It's open to everyone, in the United States, who reads my blog.The first FIVE people to respond to this post will get something bought or made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I buy or make!

2- What I choose will be just for you.

3- It will be done this calendar year. (that's right, before December 31, 2009!)

4- You have no clue what it's going to be!

5- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

But I would never send something that I didn't like myself!The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must re-post this on your blog and make the same offer to the first 5 people who respond on your blog entry, thereby continuing the fun!The first 5 people to do so, and leave a comment telling me they did, will win a FAB-U-LOUS gift from me! Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it! Sounds like fun, right? So, let's play!

My Familiar Face

My mind is full of questions
What does it mean?
Am I returning
To everything I once knew
But lost?
Can't control the longing in
My heart
Or can I?
I had dreamed
And dreamed
And longed
Of this time
Hoping it would come
Now that it has
Do I really know
If this is
The best for me?
Would God lead me
Astray?
Crying for wisdom
A time when
Everything in me
Is saying yes
But the voice
Of my past
Says no
Remember
Remember?
Can I stand it again?
Too much to bear
If history repeats
Itself
I cannot trust
My feelings
I can trust God
But has He spoken
And I've just
Missed it?
Give me
A vision, O Lord
For that Familiar Face
What you have
For us
I love him
Or do I?
Speak to my heart
An angel to give
Direction
Stubborn heart
Dwells within me
Will that keep me
From hearing?
Anxiousness.
His familiar face
I ache to see it
I know
His heart is
Longing too
Lord, not my
Will,
But
Yours be done
If it is he,
Then make it
As clear as
The noonday
Please hurry
Before my heart
Explodes

The Culturally-Savvy Christian

I encourage you, dear reader, to take in just a few pages of this manifesto by Dick Staub and see if you're not compelled to finish the book in the same day. It is brilliantly written and it is changing the way I see and (hopefully!) live my life. I can't wait to finish it and write about how it's affected my way of thinking.

Christianity, for many years now, has sought after politcal gain over sharing the Truth of the Gospel. We, as a church, need to go back to the root of Jesus' mission: To see lives changed, people healed, and to make disciples of all nations.

Discipleship needs to be our primary focus while we're still on this Earth. It's not about 'getting people saved'. It's not about how big the church building is or about the sound and lights or how many people became members on Sunday.

We should be a people whose love drives our culture towards Him. We're told be in the world but not of the world. But Jesus left us here for a reason. And it was not to be more concerned about what's going on inside the four walls of our 'church', but to reach those outside of the 'church'. We're so consumed with consumerism that we miss out on building and nurturing relationships with people inside our neighborhoods; even our own homes.

We were not created to be consumers. We were created to love the Lord, be in fellowship with Him, and love others into the Kingdom. This book is definitely helping me see how lukewarm and superficial today's Christianity can be. I don't want to be lukewarm anymore. I'm on a journey to dig a deeper well!

Care to join me?

Once heartbroken...now healed.

I wrote this on my Myspace blog on April 12, 2007. Since this is my only blog now, I wanted to remember this entry...it came at a pivotal time in my life when I knew I could move forward with peace and rejoice in the fact that my heart had been made whole again...

Today marks the third year anniversary of the day my world was turned up-side down. I look back and think about the emotions I experienced: hurt; despair; betrayal…the list goes on. I didn't understand why someone who promised to love me could cause me so much pain. A piece of Scripture comes to mind now that I am a follower of Christ: Proverbs 3:5, 6 which says: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight all your paths."

I wasn't a believer then, so I turned all my attention to anything I could to make me feel like I was still wanted, loved, even desirable, instead of trusting the Lord completely. I was even questioning whether my life was worth living anymore. I wanted to close up and shut down. Even when I wanted to cry, I felt like I couldn't; like it was going to tear me apart and I wouldn't be able to stop. The grace that God had afforded me even when I was not walking in His ways is truly remarkable. He had His hand on my life in ways that were so palpable; I can almost see His fingerprint when I look back. I've had many other changes just in the past year, but none as shattering as when my divorce was final. I prayed for him and for our marriage, believing that those prayers were not falling on deaf ears. There's a country song called "Unanswered Prayer" by Garth Brooks. I'm not much of a country-song girl, but that is truly a remarkable way to describe my life at this point. I believe God seen every tear, comforted me and gave me strength, and wanted our marriage to be healed. Why He allowed my ex's heart to remain hard is beyond my comprehension. Maybe I'll never know. Maybe a few years down the road I'll see why. Right now, I must trust Him. Trust that the last four years have not been in vain. That being wounded to the very core of who I am will not be for nothing.

This makes me think of how Jesus suffered. He was betrayed by the very people who promised to be by His side no matter what. Peter was adamant about never denying his Lord…but he did. Can I assume that I will be blessed in this lifetime and get back every second that was spent crying and praying for the man I married to love me? I can assume that. It doesn't mean I will. God's ways are not our ways, and for that I'm thankful. If I could've had my way, my marriage would've been salvaged. But I wouldn't be here in Indy and I wouldn't have met the wonderful people I've met at my last command in Pennsylvania and here in Indy. I suppose I could be bitter. I have every 'right' to be as far as the world is concerned. There are many divorced people who are, right? I know a few. I never wanted to be one. Asking the Lord to help me forgive and let go was possibly the second most important prayer I've ever prayed next to accepting Christ. Who knows if I ever would've accepted Christ had it not been for the heartache I was dealing with? Now I know I can rest in the assurance that Christ is my vindicator, and though I don't wish any harm or hurt upon my ex-husband, I hope that through my witness and character he will one day accept forgiveness by a God who is so patient and kind. If I had to go through a painful separation and divorce for one person to know the Lord…I know without a shadow of a doubt that it was worth it. Jesus endured an even greater pain, and look at how God exalted Him.

I can only pray that my life would emulate His; that through my heartache, God would be glorified, and that others will see Him in me instead of a scorned and bitter woman.

Watch It Bloom.

In the Summer of '07, right after I bought my first home, I planted a dogwood tree in my backyard; one that will boast beautiful and fragrant white flowers during springtime. It's still just under six feet tall and I have yet to see it full of blooms. I'm anxious to witness it grow and become it's full size of between 12-15'.

This morning during my time with God and in reading His Word, an overwhelming sense of His love filled me. Like David in the book of Psalms, I cried over my tendency towards pride and selfishness, fear and my desire at times to do things 'my way'. Like He so often does (because I'm forgetful), He gently reminded me that my salvation is not based on anything I do; not on what I own; not on how 'good' I am; not on my past, present, or my future struggles or accomplishments. It's solely based upon Jesus' unending love and mercy towards me, a sinner through and through. God usually gets my attention the most when I'm at the end of my rope. The end of myself. Knowing I can't be free from fear and anxiety on my own. It's then, when I come with the pure intention to hear His voice over the the world's voice, that I'm ministered to in the simplest yet most remarkable ways.

I paused from crying. From where I sit on my little couch in my home office, I can see my dogwood out the window. It sits in perfect view to my left. I mouthed out loud, to no one in particular (with the exception of my sleeping dog by my side), "I can't wait to watch it bloom." So random of a thought. Then my heart heard God speak, "Me neither." I was talking about my little tree that is still in waiting. Waiting for spring....it looks dead and lifeless. But I know that it will bloom soon!

The Lord was referring to me. Spiritually, I've been in a 'winter season'. Some days it's all I can do to just go through the motions of a work day and come home to start all over again....

I've fought with severe anxiety. And depression. That in itself is enough to choke the life and hope out of you. But I know this season of struggling is serving a purpose. I'm not sure if it's completely over yet, but I can say that God has been right there with me the whole time...through the love and prayers of friends and family...through the healing words of a song...a piece of scripture...

Watch it bloom.

Just as my little dogwood will surely make it through these winter months and sprout leaves and show off its flowers, signifying life and beauty, those that put their hope and their trust in the Lord, even when times are at their most darkest and difficult, shall be saved. God knows the end result to everything we face right now. I'm prone to seeing things in the natural and thinking, "This is the end for me. There's no way I'm going to make it through this with my sanity and my heart intact." The Lord knows better, though. He stretches, He prunes. All out of love for me. He's very careful and purposeful with my heart. As I trust in Him more and more, I become more like my Jesus.

My struggles: He knows. His hand of protection is over my life and my heart. Peace will come again and have its way in me...

Watch it bloom.