I am a Christian.

Beautiful Christian Sister~ By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ

That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say.... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living;

'I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.

I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say.... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.

I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.

I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,

my flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...

I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou;

I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow!

Pretty is as pretty does... But beautiful is just plain beautiful!

ENFP- The Advocate.

A few weeks ago, I took this quiz about what my personality says about me. It's amazing how spot-on it was. I'd suggest anyone who's curious to know why they do what they do (and think and feel) to take this free, in-depth quiz. I'm an ENFP- Extroverted iNtuition Feeling Perceiving. A few characteristics of ENFP's: spontaneous, charismatic, passionate, easily distracted, open, revealing, comfortable in unfamiliar situations, attracted to strange things (um, like what exactly? I do have 'strange' friends...). I'm known as The Advocate. I was super excited to see that the degree I'm working towards is one that my personality/ makeup will do naturally well in: Counseling Psychology.

I also chuckled when I read this, which, quite frankly, describes me to a T:

ENFPs have what some call a "silly switch." They can be intellectual, serious,
all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that
switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence. Sometimes they may even appear intoxicated when the "switch" is flipped.

How funny!! I love finding out about how I 'work'. :)

http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/enfp/

Meet Mollie!

Okay, so, most of my posts are on the serious side...but I don't mind going off the beaten path every know and then...

I'd like for you to meet Mollie! After I run Pearl into the ground (my current and very reliable car), I'll be 'building' a Mini for myself. It's cute, fast, and oh-so-eye-catching! I catch myself eye-balling these fun little things every time I see one. So, why not?? :) Here's Mollie, my first 'dream' Mini Cooper S convertible. I couldn't get the link to the actual one I'm building so this link will have to do. The styles and umpteen options the Minis offer will most likely change too but you get the gist (I want the convertible S; 'interchange yellow' color w/ black bonnet stripes):

http://www.miniusa.com/?eid=69001&tid=1032&pid=1142346&sendconfigid=1611149&rs=H01W2P6WYR5KGKIR#/learn/FACTS_FEATURES_SPECS/colors-s

I'm slightly addicted to the site itself, too. The way they describe all of the features and styles of the Mini are so cute and witty. I'm hooked!!

After His heart.

At our small group last week, my dear friend and brother in Christ shared a bit of wisdom that spoke directly to the heart of my Christian walk at this very moment. He said (in so many words),

"When we're new Christians, we live off the milk of the Word; God shows His grace and mercy so profoundly that we cannot help but run towards Him, wanting to know more and learn of Him. When we've been in the faith a bit longer, He allows seasons and trials in our lives that will cause us to seek Him with more fervency; He hides Himself a little more than He did at the beginning; not to be spiteful, but because He wants us to eat the meat of the Word and help us really see our need for Him."

Doesn't this show our desperate need for Him? Pain. Trials. Misunderstandings. Paths you thought you were going down but instead you take a sharp turn and find yourself in unfamiliar surroundings...

I cannot pretend to know what God has for my life; I can try and figure it out by praying and moving forward slowly when I'm governed by the peace of God but....do I ever really know??

Nothing surprises God. Even when I make a mistake, He's already got the answer and the purpose it will achieve in my life worked out. I can't 'stump' God. He doesn't even (gasp!) need my assistance in working in my life. Well, there's always obedience tied in to the blessings of God and the richness of knowing Him. But I believe there's something to be said about the life of David; not David the King, not David the Adulterer...but David, the man after God's own heart. The Bible is not secretive or flippant about the sins David committed. He grieved the Father when he sinned against Heaven and against Bathsheba. God, in His infinite mercy, still blessed David and his lineage and called him a man after His (God's) own heart. Wow!

When I was a new Christian, back in 2004, I was in the Word daily and had an almost overnight turnaround from the person that I'd become for nearly 27 years. God still speaks to me in the way He did then, but I have to pursue Him even more than I did five years ago. I've had relationships tested, my faith tested, and even during moments of "Where are you, God?", He continues to be merciful and patient with my unbelief and struggles.

A lot can change from one day to the next. The only thing that is certain is that God Is. If I desire (which I do) to be a woman like David (well, you understand what I mean) who is one after God's own heart, I will seek Him; not for His hand, but for the simple fact that He does not change. Unbelievably sovereign and graciously all-sufficient. I choose today to keep my eyes on Him and leave the details of my life in His care.

The grass withers, the flower fades,

But the word of our God stands forever. -Is. 40:8

Losing a friend.

God is still here. He is still in control.

He knows my heart and He knows exactly how He made me.

He is my comforter. He sees every tear. I know He is here

to carry my burden for me.

Today, I've experienced every emotion under the sun: anger to the point of spitting nails, hurt, disappointment, fear, doubt...and even a bit of laughter.

When everything seems to be going well, somehow it feels as if the rug is pulled out from under me. Then again, if it feels like that, where is my hope? Where is my trust?

It should not be in a man. Or in how other people view me; even if it is slightly askew.

I feel like someone has punched me in the gut as hard as they possibly can. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I recall what was said to me that made me feel like I was the most horrible creature ever placed on this earth.

Only the Lord knows why this has happened. Why I've lost such a good friend....at least, I thought so...

Words pierce. They can build you up or tear you down. He's still alive, but to experience the loss of a friendship hurts just as bad as anything.

I hoped for the best. I was let down.

He promised me he'd take care of my heart; that promise was broken.

I've heard so many explanations, but none seem to take away the sting of words delivered out of anger. And for what? Did it serve any other purpose but to tear me down?

Maybe just today. Today I will grieve. Today I will feel sad, I will cry, I will think of him and wonder how it got to this point...

But after today, I will take my eyes off of myself and off of the situation; I will place them upon the One who has saved my soul. I've been rejected time and time again by people who've promised they never would. Jesus has made that promise to me. He is forever faithful. The Father I can trust to never leave me will heal my heart. He will hear my prayers to find the strength and grace to forgive. He will bless those who curse me when I pray for them.

There is healing and hope coming. Wait for it. It will not tarry.