Please understand..

It's not that we can't be friends. We can. But...I will not allow you to be manipulative anymore. I can't understand why you would think I only loved you for the 'two years' when we weren't separated. I'm not quite sure if you said it to get a reaction, or if you truly believe it. I've prayed for years for us to become friends and for God to remove any bitterness, resentment, and hurt from my heart. He's done that. This in and of itself is 'proof' that God showed me how to truly love someone; that it was real and not fabricated. It wasn't based on the past..on what had happened between us. It was His love for you being poured out through me. It's almost a surreal feeling when I think about that time in my life. I wouldn't change any of it. It helped me to see how precious marriage is. Being free from anger and unforgiveness is the most beautiful experience...words cannot describe it.

I can't understand why you've become so blinded to the fact that I did everything in my power to listen to God regarding our relationship and not listen to everyone else who told me to give up on you. I did what I knew was in my heart, only by the grace of God! You were antagonistic. Mean-spirited. I felt like the lowest person in the world. It was your choice to divorce me, and when it was all said and done, I knew I could walk away, albeit humbly, with a sense of peace. I still, to this day, struggle with feelings of insecurity and I even find myself comparing myself to other women at times. I know God is continuing to change me in that area. I just pray and hope that one day you'll see that He can and wants to change your heart as well. I do not take prayer lightly or for granted, either. You do have a good heart. I've seen it. But, it has been hidden behind a facade of pride and fear for so long, I think you've chosen to believe you are just 'that way'. You're not. I believe different about you. Even when others don't understand it, especially my family. They were there for me and saw me through the entire separation and divorce. Don't get me wrong, none of them dislike you. They just hurt because I did.

I never wanted to give up on you. I've moved on with my life. Wounds have been healed, and after today, I realize that they could very easily be opened again if I don't allow God to guard my heart where our friendship is concerned.

I want you to know that the person you really are, even in spite of what has happened, is not who you portray to be. I sincerely, with all my heart, want the very best for you. Every person gets a second chance. Without the Lord in my life, this all could've ended up very differently. Thankfully, that was not the case. I hope this is all making sense. I can hardly get my thoughts in order. There's so much I know I'd like to say...hopefully one day it'll all be clearer..