Watch It Bloom.

In the Summer of '07, right after I bought my first home, I planted a dogwood tree in my backyard; one that will boast beautiful and fragrant white flowers during springtime. It's still just under six feet tall and I have yet to see it full of blooms. I'm anxious to witness it grow and become it's full size of between 12-15'.

This morning during my time with God and in reading His Word, an overwhelming sense of His love filled me. Like David in the book of Psalms, I cried over my tendency towards pride and selfishness, fear and my desire at times to do things 'my way'. Like He so often does (because I'm forgetful), He gently reminded me that my salvation is not based on anything I do; not on what I own; not on how 'good' I am; not on my past, present, or my future struggles or accomplishments. It's solely based upon Jesus' unending love and mercy towards me, a sinner through and through. God usually gets my attention the most when I'm at the end of my rope. The end of myself. Knowing I can't be free from fear and anxiety on my own. It's then, when I come with the pure intention to hear His voice over the the world's voice, that I'm ministered to in the simplest yet most remarkable ways.

I paused from crying. From where I sit on my little couch in my home office, I can see my dogwood out the window. It sits in perfect view to my left. I mouthed out loud, to no one in particular (with the exception of my sleeping dog by my side), "I can't wait to watch it bloom." So random of a thought. Then my heart heard God speak, "Me neither." I was talking about my little tree that is still in waiting. Waiting for spring....it looks dead and lifeless. But I know that it will bloom soon!

The Lord was referring to me. Spiritually, I've been in a 'winter season'. Some days it's all I can do to just go through the motions of a work day and come home to start all over again....

I've fought with severe anxiety. And depression. That in itself is enough to choke the life and hope out of you. But I know this season of struggling is serving a purpose. I'm not sure if it's completely over yet, but I can say that God has been right there with me the whole time...through the love and prayers of friends and family...through the healing words of a song...a piece of scripture...

Watch it bloom.

Just as my little dogwood will surely make it through these winter months and sprout leaves and show off its flowers, signifying life and beauty, those that put their hope and their trust in the Lord, even when times are at their most darkest and difficult, shall be saved. God knows the end result to everything we face right now. I'm prone to seeing things in the natural and thinking, "This is the end for me. There's no way I'm going to make it through this with my sanity and my heart intact." The Lord knows better, though. He stretches, He prunes. All out of love for me. He's very careful and purposeful with my heart. As I trust in Him more and more, I become more like my Jesus.

My struggles: He knows. His hand of protection is over my life and my heart. Peace will come again and have its way in me...

Watch it bloom.