A new level of trust.

You know, I realize that God doesn't guarantee a Christian will never go through trials...in fact, God's Word says that we will be tested and tried so that our faith, of greater worth than gold, will be refined and strengthened, and will result in praise to Him. I also know that He knows just how much we can handle, and that nothing is a surprise to Him. He asks us to keep our eyes on Him and not only pray when facing big problems, but pray without ceasing. At all times.

Still, I find myself at a crossroads where I can either trust God and believe He is who He says He is, or I can rely on my own strengths and allow outward circumstances to move me and uproot my faith. My heart sank when Jenn told me what she felt she needed to do. I was pretty bummed on Sunday and had a hard time keeping my usual positive demeanor...it felt like I was losing a very close friend.

Come early summer, I'll be relying solely on my income for my mortgage and bills. I know that my very dear friend is doing what she believes God would have her do, so I cannot allow rejection to come and take root in my heart. Getting her Master's degree is very important to her. I can't guarantee we (my dog & I) will always be able to give her the peace & quiet 24-7 that she'll need in order to be successful. And, let's not forget that I'm a clean freak...I like living in an organized house where everything has it's rightful place. That's where we differ hugely..and her studies won't allow her to keep things 'orderly' at all times, which could cause some tension and anxiety between us that neither one of us want. So, for both our own sanity and for our friendship, in a few months, we'll no longer be 'roomies'. I'll try to look for another roommate but I feel pretty strongly about living on my own. Goodness, for me that's a huge step of faith! With just me there, the utility bills should be pretty manageable. Questions still come up in my mind: what if something happens and I fall behind on a mortgage payment, what if I get sick and cannot work, what if...what if...??

Well, I cannot predict the future and I cannot live in fear of it, nor do I want to. I want to be able to trust God not only with the big things (I've never been late with any of my bills...He's kept me healthy..I've always had food to eat), but also with the seemingly miniscule things that may come up on a daily basis.

I can't take her decision personal. This is yet another opportunity for me to learn how to glorify God with all of my time, energy, and finances. I'd only been partially 'trusting' Him. Now, this is a whole new level of trust!

Romans 8:28