My Lonely Journey.

I know it's for a reason. I know God's promises to His children are 'Yes' and 'Amen'. I have faith for my closest friends who are walking through life as a single (not married). Once again, I'm fighting off my fears of never being married and having a family. It's something I've dreamed about as long as I can remember. My ex-husband pretty much robbed me of that in my mid-to-late twenties. But, hey, the marriage was anything but happy and healthy....so I am grateful that God worked out the situation for my good: No children with a man I really wanted to move on from after all of the hurt he afflicted upon my heart (as well as upon the hearts of those who love me) and life. His divorcing me seems like so many chapters ago. Almost surreal to think about that time in my life now.

I'd like to think I trust God. I'd like to think that after all of the battles He's fought for me and won that I'd be able align my head with my heart and trust Him with everything that I am. I guess I'm admitting that my trust in His promises for me in this one area is hugely marred. Singleness. I read about and know dozens of real-life stories about people who have waited for their spouse and have not been found wanting. My story could be heard by others one day and bring hope, right??

I am especially overjoyed for both of my brothers. My eldest brother just got engaged this week; my second eldest brother just recently welcomed his first child into the world, only 22 days ago. She's beautiful and such a miracle baby! Maybe it's all of this, coupled with the fact that it's the Christmas season, that makes the realization of my single hood all the more raw to my heart. I want to be on someones mind. Is that selfish? Maybe. But, I'm just being honest.

I was dating someone who travels a lot for work. We made the decision this morning to take a step back and just be friends until he is home ported back here at home once more. Distance would inevitably take a toll on a new relationship. His name has been on the waiting list for quite some time....so there's no telling when this could occur.

I appreciate that: "Everything happens for a reason," and that, "It's in God's timing." Believe me, that seems to be my mantra. This isn't necessarily a 'woe is me' or a pity-party. It's just that my heart is screaming out for something real to come before I completely give up or bitterness consumes me.

I'm just tired of being let down. It's like my own personal hell. Frankly, maybe it would be easier if I just acted like it didn't bother me so much. Then I could live without expectation of finding the man God has for me, and I won't be disillusioned into thinking that he's just 'right around the corner,' as everyone loves to tell me.

Praying for peace. Praying for grace. Praying my patience doesn't give way to despondency. That would be a new hell all in itself.

*chuckle*

(This is my pup, Spike.)

My sweet niece.

I'm an Auntie!! My niece, Ashlyn Grace, was born at 4:56 p.m., December 1, 2009. She was 7lbs 21 oz. and 21". It's pretty neat how God has created us to love. When we love others, including our Lord, we wonder if we could ever have room in our hearts to love even one more....amazingly, there's always room; it pleased God to make it so....

I haven't even met her yet, and won't get to for another ten days, but I already love her. My promise is to lift her up in prayer every day that I have breath in me. I've seen the power of prayer in my own life. I know she will grow up to be an amazing woman of God, and I cannot wait to see the Lord work in her life!

USS NEW YORK-part 2

Strength Forged Through Sacrifice. Never Forget.

Check this out!


The USS NEW YORK (LPD 21), built with 7.5 tons of steel from the World Trade Center in her bow, was commissioned in New York City on Nov. 7, 2009, and I got the opportunity to ride the ship from Norfolk, VA. into New York City for this once-in-a-lifetime experience. At approximately 8:00 a.m., on November 2, the USS NEW YORK came to a standstill across from the World Trade Center site, dipped her flag, and delivered a 21-gun salute. Members of the Fire Department of New York, the New York Police Department, Port Authority Police, members of the families of 9/11 victims and veterans gathered on the shore at the North Cove in the World Financial Center to return the salute.

I was in New York City with the ship (9 days total) in support of the commissioning and it was by-far one of the most remarkable times I can ever remember having. Serving in the military is an honorable thing for me; I love it and have never once regretted it. It's been almost 11 years next March (whoa!). The people of New York were amazingly grateful and it was so very humbling to meet first-responders, family members, and loved ones of the victims and heroes of that fateful day in 2001. Words cannot express the bond between the people of New York and our country's military. Every person I met had such a tender place in their heart for those who have served and who currently serve in the world's greatest military forces. I'll post some of my favorite and most memorable pictures.

I could write a thousand posts about my time in New York and about those I came to know while I was there. It is truly unforgettable. The USS NEW YORK's motto: "Strength Forged Through Sacrifice. Never Forget" is a powerful message to us all. My hope is that we don't forget. In doing this, we honor those who lost their lives that day. And please continue to pray for those who serve in our military; some have given the ultimate sacrifice.